The history of Ash Wednesday*

* According to this Ashley.

I started celebrating Ash Wednesday probably 10 years ago when I was in college. I didn't want to be disrespectful of the real reason for the day, but I decided that I just couldn't let this opportunity to have a day all to myself (and other Ashleys, but whatever) pass me by. It was too good. I guess birthdays are sort of like that, but it somehow seemed extra cool that it was related to my name. Anyway, that first year, I think I sent cards to friends and family with pictures of me, which sounds a bit weird to me now. But I was still a novice. Another year, I had an Ash Wednesday party, where a bunch of friends and I colored copies of a few pictures of me from my childhood and I asked them random trivia about me throughout the night. But it wasn't until I was in Poland that I even saw people who recognized the holiday in the traditional way. I found it fascinating to see people walking down the street with black marks on their foreheads. And last year was the year of name pancakes. So my celebrations have been many and varied.

Then last week, Anna burst into my room early one morning and told me I needed to see something right away. She was vehement. Unconvinced that it was an emergency, I stayed in bed until I could escape the fog of sleep. When I finally did get up, she took me into her room and, hopping up and down, pointed to her calendar and told me that there was a day called Ash Wednesday. She was thrilled! And so was I. (She was also extremely excited that it was on the same day as George Washington's birthday, but that's beside the point.) Anyway, it's super fun to have her be excited about Ash Wednesday too.

So far today, we have celebrated by having a funny food day. We ate breakfast on tin foil with funny utensils and cups. (Anna picked them out and suggested I have the "scraggily" tin measuring cup. Thanks for that. She also thought we needed some old fruit snacks to go with our meal. And on Ash Wednesday, I just have to say yes.) You can tell much of my celebrating takes a five-year-old girl into account, can't you?

And then lunch was contained entirely in several red foil cupcake liners left over from Valentine's Day. Fancy, right? We'll see what tonight has in store.

While that has been fun, it's probably not the way I'd celebrate if I didn't have to live real life. Here's what I wish I was doing for Ash Wednesday:

Starting in on my endless supply of Nielsen's Frozen Custard

while signing copies of my award-winning bestseller

while watching season 3 of this

and booking my trip to Antarctica (not even kidding)

by way of Greece

and maybe Tahiti too, while we're at it

Now if only I can get people to start taking Ash Wednesday as seriously as I do (or at least publishing my book . . . or taking me to Antarctica, I suppose), I think I will have arrived at the perfect way to celebrate. And Anna's on her way. Maybe next year.

Annacdotes 21

This is how the valentine shirt turned out. I unknowingly bought fabric paint that dries very clear, unless you use a ton, so—while still cute and glittery—it didn't show up very well.

So Anna felt the need to kick it up a notch.

1. A recent prayer: "Please bless the kids in my class, that they will be healed from their colds, which they have been given . . . which was a non-good present."

2. To delay going to sleep as I was leaving her room: "Mom . . . wait. [ten second pause] I space L-O-V-E space Y-O-U space M-O-M space [five second pause]. . . wait, no space. Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, period." From my sweet robo-daughter.

3. Anna often chooses the shoes she wants to wear each day based on how fast she can run in them.

4. We got a new whiteboard at our house recently and it has become the new favorite toy. (See picture below.) I'll translate some of Anna's notes for you. Starting at the top, it says (and must be read with an accent), " 'Ello Stephanie Scoresby. May I have this dance?" Then under that, it says, essentially, "Whoever reads this will be punished. Thank you." When Anna called me over to read this particular note, I gasped. But she told me that the punishment was a hug. I was both delighted and a little concerned.

5. Anna also frequently decides what to wear each day based on how many colors and patterns she can wear at once.

6. After walking a friend home one chilly evening, Anna walked in the door and said, "My face is burning cold!"

7. Anna was dressing up the other day and came in wearing a black comb taped below her nose. For a mustache, naturally.

On that same note but on a different day, this was Anna's best effort to disguise herself as a man.

A fragmented Valentine's Day

I bet you thought this post was going to be a bit more philosophical, with a title like that, didn't you? Well, sorry to disappoint, but it's actually about . . .

THIS!

My latest valentine. I loved it so much I had to blog about it. Anna and I set out to make some special valentines the other day, and she immediately started cutting paper up into little strips. That inspired the mosaic design for mine and something yet to be determined for hers. (Don't you love the invisible pouch for secret notes? I know I do.)

Then I started thinking about making a valentine paper chain, and I wondered how I could make it cool, besides just using valentine colors. And my brain came up with this, which I was very proud of it for. 

It's still a very simple design, requiring only cutting, folding, and stapling, but also very cool. Too bad it wasn't for us.

The rest of our Valentine's plans include decorating cookies, obviously, making more special valentines, trying out this technique on one of Anna's shirts (even though I give their headline a huge thumbs down), and making Anna's valentine box for her class party, which will be one of the most monumental moments of my parental career. I LOVED making these boxes when I was a kid, so I'm pretty sure we'll love making them together. (She WILL love it. I'll make sure of that.)

 Happy Valentine's to you!

To whom it may concern

Dear new kind of fragrance-free "natural" lotion I just bought,

If I would have known that by "fragrance free" you meant "smells like urine," I would not have purchased you.

With regret,
Ashley*



* The worst part about this is that I wrote it a couple of weeks ago, and I'm not so sure the smell bothers me anymore. I don't know if I should be worried or relieved.

Huevos Rancheros

Pretty much ever since this post and seeing the old lady name Wava, I have been thinking about making huevos rancheros. I read through a few recipes and finally decided to wing it this morning since Anna and I had the day off. I was so delighted by the outcome that I had to share. (And it was so nice to have something different.)

So here's what we did.

Totally Gringo Huevos Rancheros

1. Sauteed one chopped clove of garlic in a little butter, added a can of black beans that had been rinsed and maybe 1/3 c. chicken broth and let it heat through.
2. Fried two eggs.
3. Made a quesadilla with monterey jack cheese.
4. When the quesadilla was perfectly done, I cut it in half and topped each with some black beans, an egg, some salsa, chopped cilantro, and a squeeze of lime juice.

Anyway, I thought it was delish. It was so fresh tasting and a nice flavor break from our regular breakfast foods.

Kid reaction: I wasn't sure what Anna would think about this. She's a pretty adventurous eater, but I know she doesn't love salsa, and black beans are sort of a maybe. So I gave her a quesadilla with some beans on the side and the egg. Strangely (or I guess probably not surprisingly—she is still a kid), she was sort of bothered that the quesadilla was made with "white" cheese instead of her regular cheddar, so she didn't love it plain. But I convinced her to try a bite with salsa and beans and cilantro and lime, and she LOVED it! It was the combination that really did it. She ate the rest and loved picking out each ingredient and making perfect bites, and she was thrilled about squeezing on more lime juice when she felt like it.

Annacdotes 20

1. Another mind-bending knock knock joke from Anna. It just took an unexpected turn (or two) that caught me off guard.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apple pie.
Apple pie, who?
Apple pie spaceship! Ahhh! We're in trouble! We need help. [pause] Um, I think we ARE the help.

2. Anna: "Mom, I know one of the greatest powers on earth, to love your enemies." [Thanks, Veggie Tales.] "But do you love Satan?"
me: "I don't know. I don't hate him . . . "
Anna: "Yeah, I think I'm . . . kind of in the middle with Satan. I don't love him, but I don't hate him."

3. In a recent prayer, Anna said, "I hope that all of the members of my family grow up to be wonderful people . . . even the ones who haven't arrived on earth yet from heaven." Aww . . .

after a dance performance at the Festival of Trees last month

4. "Love is like 50 crushes."

5. I got Anna a new toothbrush and told her to go throw her old one away. She said, "Okay, but not before I kiss it to give it some good memories."

Displaying the massive paint set she got for Christmas.

6. Explaining things to Anna "like she's a five year old" is becoming increasingly more difficult. On one recent day, I had to explain DNA and the inner workings of the toaster. I'm going to need to do some brushing up before we get much further.

7. The other day, Anna said like three things in a row that made me burst out laughing with delight at her creativity and humor. (Sadly, I can't remember what she said. Just know it was amazing.) After my third outburst, we were both laughing, and she said, "You never planned on having a child quite like me, did you?" No, ma'am, I did not.

One night, the doorbell rang. And standing there was this bag lady. She had spent quite a while trying to disguise herself so that no one would know it was her. Check it out: three scarves, one of which went on her head and around her neck, a huge bustle, a crown, and some clip-on earrings. She may be the cutest bag lady I have ever seen.

Old lady name quiz follow-up

I was going to comment on that last post and on your comments, but I realized I had too much to say and so I should just do another post. (Loved all your comments, by the way. They made me laugh, and I love hearing the reasons.)

1. Luva vs. Mirna


I'm pretty sure I said the same thing, Lara: Luva reminds me of "vulva," and that's never good for a name.

2. Medalou vs. Lois


Yes, Medalou is unacceptable, except for maybe as a name of a cow.


3. Choose from this crazy bunch:
    a. Lecta
    b. Wilda
    c. Erma
    d. Zella

I'm pretty sure I picked Zella too. It's pretty cool. Lecta is weird and has a sort of science-y sound to me, and I'm pretty sure that's one of the naming rules, to not name your children after weird science terms (or things that sound like them). Wilda is horrible. Child-Naming Rule #32: Don't name your child anything that might resemble an actual animal. I bet she was called Wilda Beast every day of her life. And Child Naming Rule #47: Don't name your child something that sounds like something negative or gross (in this case, wilting). Adding a feminine "a" to the end does nothing to save it, either. And Erma is bad, and I think this spelling is worse than Irma, for some reason. 


4. Arva vs. Minnie vs. Ida

Agree with most of you: Minnie is cute. Arva, however, is not. This one also breaks Rule #47, as these parents pretty much named their child Larva.


5. Vesta vs. Florene

This one was hard for me. There's no reason behind Vesta, and I'm sure that's breaking Rule #59: Don't name your children after items of clothing. And amen to Jen and Sandra: Florene totally sounds like a chemical. So I don't know what I'd do. Maybe I'd pick Florene and go by Flory or something.


6. LaRue vs. VerlDene

Also terrible choices. Just the fact that it's in another language does not give you the right to name your child something as inane as "TheStreet." (I like that all of these lectures are directed to people who were alive like a hundred years ago. This blog is nothing if not relevant.) And the mom/dad combo of VerlDene is so bad! I really can't decide. Probably LaRue, but it pains me to say it.


7. Alta vs LaVee

Alta. Hands down. It's pretty old, but LaVee is totally ridiculous. It means nothing! It might as well have been La-V. (Actually, that might even make it cooler. Or I guess it could also be seen as an abbreviation for "the lavatory," so who's to say.)



(Also, everyone gets an F on the essay question, except for maybe Christine who touched on it a little.)


Post-Quiz Quiz
In this game that my sister makes me play, I have to pick the lesser of two evils and then she pairs the most evil evils and makes me pick from those. (And the winner of the most awful usually ends up getting paired with Phyllis or LaVolda or Ovila, just to see where it stands.)

So think about these:

1. Luva vs. Medalou

2. Arva vs. Lecta

3. VerlDene vs. LaVolda

4. LaVee vs. LaRue

5. Wilda vs. Phyllis



Makes it harder, right?