To whom it may concern

Dear new kind of fragrance-free "natural" lotion I just bought,

If I would have known that by "fragrance free" you meant "smells like urine," I would not have purchased you.

With regret,
Ashley*



* The worst part about this is that I wrote it a couple of weeks ago, and I'm not so sure the smell bothers me anymore. I don't know if I should be worried or relieved.

Huevos Rancheros

Pretty much ever since this post and seeing the old lady name Wava, I have been thinking about making huevos rancheros. I read through a few recipes and finally decided to wing it this morning since Anna and I had the day off. I was so delighted by the outcome that I had to share. (And it was so nice to have something different.)

So here's what we did.

Totally Gringo Huevos Rancheros

1. Sauteed one chopped clove of garlic in a little butter, added a can of black beans that had been rinsed and maybe 1/3 c. chicken broth and let it heat through.
2. Fried two eggs.
3. Made a quesadilla with monterey jack cheese.
4. When the quesadilla was perfectly done, I cut it in half and topped each with some black beans, an egg, some salsa, chopped cilantro, and a squeeze of lime juice.

Anyway, I thought it was delish. It was so fresh tasting and a nice flavor break from our regular breakfast foods.

Kid reaction: I wasn't sure what Anna would think about this. She's a pretty adventurous eater, but I know she doesn't love salsa, and black beans are sort of a maybe. So I gave her a quesadilla with some beans on the side and the egg. Strangely (or I guess probably not surprisingly—she is still a kid), she was sort of bothered that the quesadilla was made with "white" cheese instead of her regular cheddar, so she didn't love it plain. But I convinced her to try a bite with salsa and beans and cilantro and lime, and she LOVED it! It was the combination that really did it. She ate the rest and loved picking out each ingredient and making perfect bites, and she was thrilled about squeezing on more lime juice when she felt like it.

Annacdotes 20

1. Another mind-bending knock knock joke from Anna. It just took an unexpected turn (or two) that caught me off guard.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apple pie.
Apple pie, who?
Apple pie spaceship! Ahhh! We're in trouble! We need help. [pause] Um, I think we ARE the help.

2. Anna: "Mom, I know one of the greatest powers on earth, to love your enemies." [Thanks, Veggie Tales.] "But do you love Satan?"
me: "I don't know. I don't hate him . . . "
Anna: "Yeah, I think I'm . . . kind of in the middle with Satan. I don't love him, but I don't hate him."

3. In a recent prayer, Anna said, "I hope that all of the members of my family grow up to be wonderful people . . . even the ones who haven't arrived on earth yet from heaven." Aww . . .

after a dance performance at the Festival of Trees last month

4. "Love is like 50 crushes."

5. I got Anna a new toothbrush and told her to go throw her old one away. She said, "Okay, but not before I kiss it to give it some good memories."

Displaying the massive paint set she got for Christmas.

6. Explaining things to Anna "like she's a five year old" is becoming increasingly more difficult. On one recent day, I had to explain DNA and the inner workings of the toaster. I'm going to need to do some brushing up before we get much further.

7. The other day, Anna said like three things in a row that made me burst out laughing with delight at her creativity and humor. (Sadly, I can't remember what she said. Just know it was amazing.) After my third outburst, we were both laughing, and she said, "You never planned on having a child quite like me, did you?" No, ma'am, I did not.

One night, the doorbell rang. And standing there was this bag lady. She had spent quite a while trying to disguise herself so that no one would know it was her. Check it out: three scarves, one of which went on her head and around her neck, a huge bustle, a crown, and some clip-on earrings. She may be the cutest bag lady I have ever seen.

Old lady name quiz follow-up

I was going to comment on that last post and on your comments, but I realized I had too much to say and so I should just do another post. (Loved all your comments, by the way. They made me laugh, and I love hearing the reasons.)

1. Luva vs. Mirna


I'm pretty sure I said the same thing, Lara: Luva reminds me of "vulva," and that's never good for a name.

2. Medalou vs. Lois


Yes, Medalou is unacceptable, except for maybe as a name of a cow.


3. Choose from this crazy bunch:
    a. Lecta
    b. Wilda
    c. Erma
    d. Zella

I'm pretty sure I picked Zella too. It's pretty cool. Lecta is weird and has a sort of science-y sound to me, and I'm pretty sure that's one of the naming rules, to not name your children after weird science terms (or things that sound like them). Wilda is horrible. Child-Naming Rule #32: Don't name your child anything that might resemble an actual animal. I bet she was called Wilda Beast every day of her life. And Child Naming Rule #47: Don't name your child something that sounds like something negative or gross (in this case, wilting). Adding a feminine "a" to the end does nothing to save it, either. And Erma is bad, and I think this spelling is worse than Irma, for some reason. 


4. Arva vs. Minnie vs. Ida

Agree with most of you: Minnie is cute. Arva, however, is not. This one also breaks Rule #47, as these parents pretty much named their child Larva.


5. Vesta vs. Florene

This one was hard for me. There's no reason behind Vesta, and I'm sure that's breaking Rule #59: Don't name your children after items of clothing. And amen to Jen and Sandra: Florene totally sounds like a chemical. So I don't know what I'd do. Maybe I'd pick Florene and go by Flory or something.


6. LaRue vs. VerlDene

Also terrible choices. Just the fact that it's in another language does not give you the right to name your child something as inane as "TheStreet." (I like that all of these lectures are directed to people who were alive like a hundred years ago. This blog is nothing if not relevant.) And the mom/dad combo of VerlDene is so bad! I really can't decide. Probably LaRue, but it pains me to say it.


7. Alta vs LaVee

Alta. Hands down. It's pretty old, but LaVee is totally ridiculous. It means nothing! It might as well have been La-V. (Actually, that might even make it cooler. Or I guess it could also be seen as an abbreviation for "the lavatory," so who's to say.)



(Also, everyone gets an F on the essay question, except for maybe Christine who touched on it a little.)


Post-Quiz Quiz
In this game that my sister makes me play, I have to pick the lesser of two evils and then she pairs the most evil evils and makes me pick from those. (And the winner of the most awful usually ends up getting paired with Phyllis or LaVolda or Ovila, just to see where it stands.)

So think about these:

1. Luva vs. Medalou

2. Arva vs. Lecta

3. VerlDene vs. LaVolda

4. LaVee vs. LaRue

5. Wilda vs. Phyllis



Makes it harder, right?

You own old lady name quiz

YOU see how hard it is!

Take a look over this list (these are real-life choices I was faced with), pick one (or all), and tell me which name you'd have if forced to pick and why. I like to hear the reasons behind the choices.

1. Luva vs. Mirna

2. Medalou vs. Lois

3. Choose from this crazy bunch:
    a. Lecta
    b. Wilda
    c. Erma
    d. Zella

4. Arva vs. Minnie vs. Ida

5. Vesta vs. Florene

6. LaRue vs. VerlDene

7. Alta vs LaVee


Essay Question
Do you think it's a Utah thing? Is it just an old people thing? Or it is just an old-people-in-Utah thing?