Annacdotes 27 — birthday edition

We're in the middle of Anna's Golden Birthday week around here. Actually, not much is happening until her birthday (she turns 7 on the 7th!) and her amazingly awesome party the next day, but we sure talk about it a whole lot. So to celebrate, here is an extra large dose of Annacdotes.

1. In a prayer during Primary: "Please help us to follow directions. And please help the directions to be good and worthwhile. And please help us to have a good time playing too. But please help there to be more following directions than playing." I think it's safe to say she's got her priorities in order.

2. As I was leaving her room one night, Anna said very sincerely, "Mom, aren't you sad for people who write their letters backward?" I admit I laughed, out of surprise, and then she said soberly and very sincerely, "'Cause I am."

3. After we watched a movie together, I told Anna we needed to take a few minutes to clean up the toy-ridden family room. She groaned and complained and then finally muttered to herself, "Goodbye awesome world, hello boring world."

4. Lately, whenever I thank Anna for something, she will say, "Don't thank me, thank yourself because you had me. Or, really, thank Adam and Eve." She's the epitome of modesty.

5. Anna was having a wild and spastic moment as soon as we got in the car. Jokingly, I said, "Calm the heck down and put on your seat belt." She laughed and said, "Well, YOU wild the heck up!"

6. My dad was feigning disappointment at losing one of Anna's guessing games (which this time happened to be to guess the number she was thinking of between 1 and 100–shocking that he didn't get it right), and my mom said, "Well, are you going to be a grump about it?" Anna said, "Yeah, don't be a grump, be a gramp!"

7. Anna thinks you load guns with batteries.

8. Saying goodnight one night, Anna was upset that she couldn't read or do anything but try to fall asleep. She said, "Can I do anything besides roll around and use my brain?" On my way out the door, I said, "Nope, that's it. Just make it interesting. Use your imagination." She groaned loudly and then said, "You'll pay for this!"

9. One night, Anna's prayer basically consisted of one sentence: "I am SO thankful for my family and for occasions that are special." When she was finished, I asked her what kinds of "occasions" were special for her. She thought for a minute and then blurted out, "Like having your very own calendar!"

After I told her to go get dressed one morning, my eyes widened when I saw this getup and I laughed out loud. Delighted, she said, "Think I look a little weird?" as though that's exactly what she was going for. I said, "Maybe a little bit." I was thinking mostly of her amazing pattern choices, but she said, "That's because I have two pairs of leggings on!"

10. Anna's class was learning about different countries, and I volunteered to go in and talk about our year in Poland when she was 2. Near the end of my presentation, Anna said loudly, "And thank YOU for teaching me about my past!"

11. We were discussing Leonardo Da Vinci one day, and I told Anna that he was a famous painter but he was also really smart and he made lots of cool inventions. She asked, "Like rocket boots?"

12. Anna made me a paper trophy for being "so loving" to let her watch cartoons while she was sick. When she presented it to me, she thanked me and then added, "And plus, you worked so hard to get me out of your stomach." That I did. I will take that trophy, thank you very much.

Anna in front of a nativity painting by Brian Kershisnik, reenacting the part of the angel above who could be her twin

13. After someone said booyah, Anna said, "Well, triple thousand booyah for me since I lost another tooth today!"

14. I was helping out at one of Anna's class parties, and the kids were coloring pictures of butterflies. The boy sitting next to Anna covered his with a mass of red and black and told Anna that his butterfly was dangerous and poisonous. Looking sincerely aghast, Anna said, "That is a waste of beauty!"

15. "Oh, for crying out pete."

16. Anna was eating a small box of nerds, and after a few minutes, I asked if she was done with her nerds. Then I asked her if she was a nerd. She said, "Yes, yes I am." I laughed and then asked her what makes a nerd, knowing that she probably has no idea of the real meaning. She said, "Deliciousness."

17. She was having a hard time consuming her smoothie one morning, as it had a few extremely healthy ingredients in it, and after a while she hid in the pantry. A couple minutes later, she poked her head out and said, "I'd come over there, but then I'd want to cut off my arm so I couldn't grab the cup and cut off my lips so I couldn't taste it." So dramatic.

18. On another occasion, Anna was pretty sick and communicated this by saying she was "sick as a weasel."

casually waiting in line for a waffle at the waffle truck, though it looks like we're in the middle of nowhere . . . and almost like she's missing a leg 

19. While the subject has changed, Anna has had a perpetual crush on someone for the last three years—and it is a consistent topic of conversation, usually involving how embarrassed she was because the boy in question looked at her, or something. She's at the point where she can't even say his name out loud; she has to spell it. I once told her that I too had a crush on a boy in kindergarten, but then one day, out of the blue, she said, "Mom did you ever have a love life in primary?"I loved that she wondered about that part of my life too. And "love life"? Are kidding me? Later, when talking about the boy in question and how she avoids him at recess, she said vehemently, "You have to run away from your love life if you're shy, AND I'M SHY!"

20. On a recent bike/scooter ride around the neighborhood (I was on a bike and Anna was on a scooter, since she is mortally afraid of riding a bike), she said very sincerely as we started that she wanted to go on new roads "because I want to explore the world as much as possible."

Later, she put her face to the wind and told me she was imagining winning a race and that the feeling of the wind was her crashing through the ribbon at the finish. "Want to try it?" she asked when we had stopped for a minute. I smiled and told her I knew exactly what she was talking about. As she got back on her scooter, she said with a shake of her head, "Ah, the imagination of youth."

The best and the worst

Today was an interesting day. Happy and fun and hard and long and draining—all of which resulted from one little gal. A harrowing yet lovely Mother's Day.

Anna greeted me this morning with violent hugs (which are her calling card) and a bag filled with two cards, a picture of her on a stand she made at school, and a paper with her answers to questions asking what she knows about her mother. (For my job, I apparently "fix emails.") I read the notes and delighted in her thoughtfulness and sincerity. My heart sang as she said forthrightly, "You're the best mom in all ways . . . . except when you make asparagus and avocado." We snuggled in bed, laughed and talked, and all was right with the world. Then we eventually got up and got ready for church. And everything was just fine.

She chatted with the bishop for a few minutes before church, and he happened to ask if she had given me a hug this morning. She said yes and then said, "Actually, I tackled her." Which is quite true. Like I said: violent hugs. He mentioned this exchange over the pulpit—what one little girl said, anyway—and I smiled. Because I happen to agree: a good percentage of what this girl says should be publicized.

Then at church, because I turned to the opening hymn and she didn't get to, she sulked THE ENTIRE TIME. No matter what I did or said, she didn't snap out of it. Even when I told her she was welcome to get over it and find the next two songs, she said, "Nothing you say will make me happy ever again." I let her be for a while (she spent a good deal of time bent over with her head on her knees, which is the true sulking position, I guess), and she only became somewhat pleasant when I offered to draw with her. She complied, but she didn't forget to frown once in a while. Everything was not fine.

After church, when I thought all was forgotten, I told her that she couldn't, in fact, take a shell filled with glitter to her BFF right that very minute, and I was once again out of her good graces. She was upset and harrumphed away, sulking in silence for the next hour while I helped prepare dinner.

We ate a delicious meal in honor of my mother, including delicious layered peanut butter and chocolate pudding cups for dessert, and then later Anna and I took turns blowing bubbles outside and catching them. We sat on the porch together, and I read her the story of Rapunzel. It was a lovely moment.

Then later, as I cleaned up a mess that got all over her clothes and shoes after an unfortunate accident, sweating because it was hot today yet still not time for the a/c, I asked her to quickly brush her teeth and floss because it was time for bed. Her first response was to complain and she started to ask if she could just do "one last thing." Utterly exhausted, I quickly put a stop to it and said I just wanted her to do what I asked without whining and complaining. For once. I left her in the bathroom to get ready for bed, but she made an appearance soon after. She came up to me and said quietly, attitude very apparent, "I just have one question. Woud you rather have an interrupting mother or a mother who doesn't interrupt?"

I knew where this was going, and I didn't like it. She was upset that I interrupted her complaining back in the bathroom. I was shocked by her impudence, and I advised her to stop this line of questioning before the situation got much worse. I sent her back to brush her teeth, and she wept in the bathroom. She was still upset with me as she went to put her pajamas on.

Things were still touchy when she didn't like the book I picked to read and she said/cried in a crazed voice, "Do you hear that half cry in my voice? Because I do and it's weird!" Normally, I try not to give in to her requests when she's whining, but I quickly agreed to read another book because I knew she was about to blow. And this girl just needed to get to bed.

I read some, hugged her tight, and said goodnight. Then I walked into my bedroom and collapsed on my bed.

What on earth was the deal today? It was like a volcanic eruption of emotions all the live-long day. Was she jealous of the attention others were getting on Mother's Day? Was she exhausted from being so cute and thoughtful? I just don't know. But what I do know, what I finally realized, is that it was, in fact, a perfect mother's day. Because there was the good along with the bad, the hard along with the happy. It was fitting, being utterly frustrated just moments after being utterly delighted. Because that's real life, that's real motherhood. So thanks, Anna, for a truly remarkable day. Even though it's often hard, I am truly happy. I wouldn't trade being your mother for anything.

Proverbs — Anna style

Have you seen this floating around the world wide web lately? Take a look.

Some of the answers are kind of funny, but I would say most are too clever to be from the mouths of first graders. But I also thought it would be a fun experiment to see what Anna would come up with. And it was totally worth it. I gave her the first half of these proverbs, and she came up with the endings. Some of her answers were quite astute. Some were complete nonsense, like Don't put off til tomorrow what . . . "has new hope." And by number 22, she was pretty worked up: If at first you don't succeed . . . "you shall replenish in the depths of the world."

But some were pretty close to the real meaning and others her own brand of great. Here are Anna's versions of a few of them.

Never underestimate the power of . . . "light."

You can lead a horse to water but . . . "not fire."

Don't bite the hand that . . . "helps you."

No news is . . . "good or bad—just medium."

A miss is as good as a . . . "mister."

You can't teach an old dog new . . . "things."

If you lie down with dogs, you'll . . . "get diseases."

Love all, trust . . . "no robbers."

The pen is mightier than the . . . "lead of a pencil."

An idle mind is . . . "weird."

Where there's smoke, there's . . . "fire."

Happy the bride who . . . "weds the weirdo groom."

A penny saved is . . . "a dollar earned."

Two's company, three's . . . "a factory."

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and . . .  "the whole world laughs at you."

There are none so blind as . . . "two senses gone from someone."

Children should be seen and not . . . "hidden."

You get out of something only what you . . . "tell the truth in."

A bird in the hand is worth  . . . "fifty cents."

Better late than . . . "early."

Have you missed GG?

Have you missed watching Gilmore Girls and struggling to keep up with its rapid-fire pace?

Have you missed the small-town feel and the quirky characters (Kirk)?

Have you missed feeling like a freaking genius when you picked up on one of their cultural references?

And feeling like an idiot because you didn't get the other hundred?

Because I have. I was a fan. But now there's almost a sufficient replacement out there: Bunheads. Have you seen it? It was created by the same woman who was behind Gilmore Girls and is kind of basically pretty much the same show, except this time the small town is a California beach town and the story centers around four high school girls and their ballet instructor. So there's more dancing and singing, which is cool, as the main character is a Broadway star. 

But that's about where the differences end. There are many of the same characters (Emily Gilmore, Kirk, Paris, and Gypsy, and on and on), the same breathy female vocalist singing the music between scenes, and the same humor and name dropping and pop culture references, all spoken at the speed of lightning—and I almost feel like I'm back in Stars Hollow. 

There's only one season so far. There are some episodes on Hulu, I think, but you can see the whole thing on Amazon. So if you miss GG, you should check it out. And that's my PSA for the week.

What have you been reading lately?

I need some good book recommendations. I put a few random ones of my own on my writing blog, but I've hit a lull and need some suggestions. Go check mine out and leave me with some of yours.

More Old Lady Names

Remember the Old Lady game? Here's how to play.

1. Pick the name you would choose for yourself out of each group, if pressed, and tell us why.
2. Then share the name you think is the worst of the worst.

Here are some of the latest installments:

GROUP 1
Vertice
Olea
Birdie
Fern
LeJeune


GROUP 2
Ireva Fern
Myrtle
Loa
Nelda
Delora


GROUP 3
Verabel
Veon
Blanche


GROUP 4
Mildred
LaVere
Neva


GROUP 5
LaReal
DeVon (yes, this was a woman)
Ora
Geralee
Nona Bee
Verda
Zeala


Oh, man. I haven't seen some of these for a while (I started collecting them weeks ago), and they are busting me up. LaReal . . .

This week on WRITING WITH ASHLEY

I posted a couple links to fun things happening in the world of words, and I gave a tiny update on how my goals for the month are coming along.

Go. Read. Comment.


Will I reach my goals? Who's to say?