Dreams

I am not known for having fantastically magical dreams. They — the ones I remember, anyway — are most often pretty straightforward and sometimes even mundane, like something that would normally happen in my life anyway.

We used to joke about this when I was young because my sister, who is much more creative than I am, always had really cool dreams, like about magic water that would make fruit grow ten times its size, or something. We compared this to one dream I distinctly remember, which was all about how I was upset that this sister ate the rest of my toast without my permission.

Really? Toast? There's almost nothing more unexciting than toast.

But lately it seems like I have had more than my fair share of interesting ones (especially given my lame-dream history). They were mostly just kind of quirky and silly, and while I know no one really likes to hear about other people's dreams, I like to tell myself that these might be somewhat of an exception.

1. One Sunday night, I dreamed that I had to do singing time in Primary at a park, and I was having such a hard time wrangling all the kids. I had this wagonful of weird visual aids and I kept freaking out, saying, "It's just not going to be fun enough!"


Can you guess what my calling is? I loved the irony of the fact that I had the dream the night after church and not the night before.

2. I also dreamed that I had a pet tiger (named Raja, I'm embarrassed to admit), but it was so cool! It was so big and soft, and it would give me high fives. I remember that I sometimes had to be stern with it and give it occasional warnings, "Raja . . . ", but mostly it was a good tiger. Maybe I was still harboring feelings about tigers back from when I read Life of Pi?

3. In another, I dreamed that I had a friend in the cupcake business and she was having me taste some of her cupcakes. She told me that the secret ingredient in her frosting was egg nog. I remember thinking about this as I woke up, wondering if, though I don't like drinking the stuff, egg nog would make good frosting. Maybe I'm on to something?

4. Another night I dreamed that I had to play the violin in church, and I decided to wear these gray pants made out of really loud parachute material. While I was getting ready, I realized that they would be way too loud and I should probably change. Then I was fixing my hair and putting green salad in it. Yes, you read that right. I had a hairful of lettuce, cheese, and I distinctly remember sprinkling tomatoes on my head. I pretty much had a salad wig. What the WHAT?

So, anyone wanna to tell me what any of them mean?

Which one would make the best book?

So, it's been a year.

That's right. It's been one year since I went public with my write-a-book-by-30 goal. What have I done since then? I wrote a book.

By the time I turned 30 last November, I had a significant rough draft under my belt. But there were some holes and it needed some revisions, so I kept working. I've been working on those and fine tuning and fine tuning for months (with several breaks in between because I sometimes get tired of myself).

But now I'm done! <pant, pant> (I seriously just finished the final revisions a few days ago and I'm still feeling a bit out of breath. It was hard work. My matted hair and glazed-over eyes had quite a tale to tell.) So I'm done and I'm quite proud. It was a feat, and I accomplished it. There are more feats ahead, like getting an agent and getting published, but at least I've done this much. And even though this book has been my constant companion for the last year, staring it in the face for hours on end, and a nearly constant source of emotional upheaval (for good and for bad), I don't hate it.

But I wouldn't say I'm in love with it either. The hard part about doing this is having better taste than what I can actually produce. It's not as good as I want it to be, and that's a hard pill to swallow. But I think it's a great first draft, I'm proud that I wrote it, and I will focus on that.

So here's where things stand:

• I have a first draft, and now it's being read by a few friends and family for some much needed feedback while I put my feet up and catch up on all the ice cream I've been too busy to eat.
• I have a first draft, which means there will be other drafts. This almost makes me cry a little, like a baby, because getting to this point was such a challenge, but I think the first might be the hardest? Maybe? Someone tell me it is. At least I know how to get this far now, and I don't have to start at zero all over again. (That is, until I decide to write another book.)
• So I will continue to revise and make it the best it can possibly be.
• And then I will start querying for an agent.
• And then that agent will try to get my book published.
• And then it will get published and I will finally get to swim in that pool full of pink starbursts like I've always wanted.

Thanks to anyone and everyone for your excitement and questions. Talking about the book kept me excited and motivated to finish. And there's only more excitement to come! <pant, pant>

Tecla was for real!

Can you believe it? Tecla... What on earth. I just have to keep saying it over and over again, I can hardly believe someone was burdened with that name.

So the ones I made up were

Florice

Elma

Reva

Velna

and, you guessed it, 

Ulna

But the worst part about this is that it means all the rest of those were for real. Verla, Arthel, Athra (what?!), and, yes, El Jean. Leatrice is pretty bad, as is Melva. Man alive! It's so hard to pick the worst. Erna and Una . . . now it's just starting to sound ridiculous. But I guess if I had to pick the worst of the worst, I think I would have to go with Tecla. That's one of the best attempts I've seen to feminize a near-random grouping of letters. And who doesn't love "Tec" for a nickname?

Old lady names — with a twist

It's time for some more old lady names! Instead of putting these names head to head, face to face, toe to toe, or what have you (I never realized how many body-part phrases there are like that), I thought I would put all of the latest old lady names in one big list so you can enjoy them all at once. They are a wonder. Some names we've had before, but these are the ones I had to choose between this round. We had some real doozies this time.

But the twist is this. I have put in 5 fake old lady names, ones I just made up, but the rest are bonafide, published names. So the game now is to see if you can pick out the infiltrators. Good luck!

Athra

Leatrice

Florice

Melva

Arthel

LaRee

Elma

Reva

Gertrude

Verna

Zelma

Veva

El Jean

Tecla

Verla

Velna

Ulna

LaVon

Wilma

Erna

Una

Lula

So leave me a comment with your guesses about the 5 fake old lady names. And tell me which name is the worst of the worst.