I know I should have grown out of this. I know I should be bigger than this, more mature than this, and over it by now, but nothing rankles me quite as much as someone calling me shy.
This happened again a few days ago and it's still festering a little. It bothers me, I guess, because I was shy. WAS. I was quiet, growing up, and there were a few years there where, yes, I was fairly shy. But now, I like to think of myself as reserved. I'm not a loudmouth, I'm not intense, I'm not high maintenance, I don't need all the attention all the time, but I don't have a problem speaking in public or teaching a class. I don't have a problem confronting a server if there's a problem with my order. I don't have a problem meeting someone new and introducing myself. For the love... I'm not SHY.
This is kind of like how, when I was younger, my sister only had to call me one thing to make me go ballistic: a baby. That's the thing that did it, for me. That was the one word that pushed like all of my 100 buttons. I guess the truth hurts. (Just kidding, Jen. I never acted like a baby. Not once. I would never, for instance, whine and complain about something someone said about me in passing.)
But shy? Come on. I'm 28 years old, soon to be 29, and this comment still had me doubting myself. "Why would she think this? What have I done to give her this impression? Crap, is it still true?" I hated hearing it and it still rankles me that she said it and that her saying it rankled me. (Although, using "rankle" repeatedly is helping quite a bit. I like it. It perfectly describes how I'm feeling, and it sounds like what it means, which I like. It's almost therapeutic. Rankle, rankle, rankle.)
My consolation is that the woman who made this comment doesn't know me that well. We're really only acquaintances and this was only the second time we had talked. And she's a foreigner to boot. Maybe she didn't mean shy at all but "very intelligent" or "most beautiful." (Just kidding. Her English was fantastic.) But frankly, I'm comfortable enough with myself (most of the time, save for the recent doubts) to know what I'm really like and to be okay with whatever that is. I'm not quiet or shy, I'm just reserved. And that's a good thing.
And plus, it's highly likely that the next person to call me shy just might get an earful that will show them that that's exactly what I'm not. So beware. I may be rude and immature about this, but for crying out loud—I'm. Not. Shy.
Am I?
Are you? Are you?
ReplyDeleteA baby? Really? I thought you hated it when we called you a little mother. :D Remember when I asked mom how much _____ to put in a recipe and you answered and I said, "I meant my biological mother..." and Mom laughed? Ah.. that was a good day. (<--did that rankle you?)
I dunno. I think "shy" is sort of a blanket term. I've been called that before and though I don't necessarily agree, i feel that the time will come that they will know the truth, and if they never do, no skin off my back. Their loss, man!
No.
ReplyDeleteI think the lady was saying sly instead of shy - foreign accent ya know.
ReplyDeleteJen: I do remember the "biological mother" incident. Both Mom and I laughed, again, about it. Yeah, I didn't like being called a little mother, but being called shy was much worse.
ReplyDeleteAnd Tamra, I like it. That's so much better. Because I'm TOTALLY wily and sly. It's so much more fitting.