Annacdotes 30

fancy pants pic (I was actually wearing sweats,
but you'd never know it)

1. "I think I'm addicted to the word literally."

And she is. It comes out of her mouth all too frequently, but I'm happy to say that it is mostly used correctly, and her statements literally are things she would literally do and not literally metaphors.

2. In a prayer: "Please help us to learn interesting things from books. And please help us to have great adventures and seek after amazing things in our lives."

3. After a lot of cajoling to get her to bed one night, I finally had Anna on top of her bed and just needed her to roll over so I could pull the blankets out and put them on top of her. But she would not budge. For anything. Her arms and legs were pinned to her sides, and she was completely immovable. After a minute and maybe a tickle or two, she finally broke and said, "Aw, darn. I wanted to make you think time froze!"

4. A beginning of a deep thought: "Say you walk into China . . . "

At Arches last fall

5. Frequently, something pops out of Anna's mouth that causes me to pause a moment and reflect on how it's probably highly unlikely that you'd hear the average kid say it, so I've been keeping a mental list. Here are a few of them:

• [whilst jumping up and down] "Can I practice the piano yet?"
• After I ordered some J Dawgs hot dogs, she said hopefully, "Does mine have banana peppers and sauerkraut on it?
• Anna was with a babysitter for a few hours one day, and when I finally came to pick her up, she ran up to me and said, "Mom! I was so desperate to see you!" I thought most kids might just say they missed you or hug you or break down if it was really so bad, but she articulated that feeling so well.
• While I was measuring some vinegar for a salad dressing I was making, Anna asked if she could have some to drink. She seriously loves vinegar. Who loves straight vinegar???

6. In a prayer: "Thank you for things that intrigue our minds. For example, magic in books."

7. I overheard a little moment that delighted me when Anna was playing pretend with her friend. Her friend asked if Anna was "ready" (for what, I wasn't quite sure), and Anna said, in a shocked and extremely dramatic voice, "I'm a photographer. Not a model. Not a fashionist."

I love that the fanciness in this picture is offset by no shoes.

8. Last summer, Anna and I were out working on riding her bike one evening, mostly trying to overcome her fears because she was actually physically capable of doing it, and we had a lot of pep talks and straight talks and talks bordering on casual threats. Out of desperation and because I knew she was so very close, I told her that she couldn't watch her favorite show until she rode on her own for 10 seconds. She FINALLY rode her bike on her own that night, and we were both super excited. I told her how brave she was and how proud I was that she kept trying, even though she was afraid, and she actually did it. She accomplished her goal. She hugged me and said sweetly, "Thank YOU for teaching me and for threatening me. Because I really was motivated!" The hug and sweet voice combined with those words just about killed me. Now, who says threats aren't good parenting?

9. We were talking about silent films one day, and I told Anna that when the first films were being made, people didn't have the ability to record sound with the pictures. She said, "Are you sure they weren't just being lazy?"

10. Anna was tossing some dirty clothes into her laundry basket and saying synonyms for "throw" with each item: "hurl," "toss," "throw," "chuck," etc. I said, "Nice, I like the synonyms." She turned to me, lowered her eyes, and said condescendingly, "I was being redundant." Oh. Excuse me.

It's a good thing she's so cute.

Annacdotes 29

in an outfit I termed "floral camo"

1. Because Anna has a summer birthday, she got to celebrate it early at school. (Yes, this is an old Annacdote.) Each kid in her class drew her a picture, and then her teacher made a little booklet out of them. When we were looking through it later that day, I saw one picture that included a boy's name and his phone number. I was a little surprised at this and asked her why he included his number. She said, "Remember? That's the boy that has a crush on me!" We giggled about it for a minute, and then I said, "What do you think he would do if you called him?" Shocked and a little embarrassed, she said, "I don't even know! He might ask me to go out!" I asked Anna what she would say to that, and she said, "I would probably say, 'Don't you know we're only kids?'"

2. In a prayer: "Thank you for giving children the opportunity to learn fascinating facts and interesting things about the world and sometimes adults but mostly children. Thank you for that."

3. My mother was talking about our family one day and she said that, except for a few aches and pains, we have all been blessed with really good health. We talked about this for a few minutes, and then Anna chimed in loudly with, "Yeah, and just be glad we're not on the Mayflower with all the disease and stuff." She offers such a fresh perspective.

4. One morning, Anna tried several ways of negotiating her way out of making her bed. First she said she was planning on taking a nap later, so she'd just like to be able to get back in her bed. (She wouldn't take a nap in a million years, by the way.) I said she still needed to make her bed and if she did, in fact, take a nap, she could lay on top of her bed with a blanket. Then she said that would mess up her bed during the nap, but I stood my ground. After a few more failed attempts, she said, "Fine! You win this round, [then cryptically] but I'll be back."

5. In a prayer: "Thank you for the past, thank you for the future, and thank you for this exact second." She likes to cover her bases.

a picture Anna submitted to an art contest, to give you a little context for her artist statement below

amazingness

6. Saying goodnight one evening, I hugged Anna and told her I loved her and would forever. She circled my face with her hand several times and said dramatically with cool echo effects, "I will love you after after after time ends."

7. These next three happened all in the same day, so they go together:

First, Anna paused partway through eating her dessert and started reading the Sunday comics that were sitting next to her. After a minute, I noticed the pause and asked if she was full. She said, "Sort of. I just gotta, you know, let it ... 'reader's.....digest.'"

Then later, I let her have some salt water taffy just before she was supposed to get ready for bed. I told her I'd let her eat one if it made her quick, as if it were a pill for speediness. Happily unwrapping the taffy, she said, "Actually, it might make me tarry." I stared at her, frozen in awe for a moment, and she said, "Wait, does 'tarry' mean get distracted and wander around?" Yes, yes it does. And totally Sunday appropriate, I thought.

Lastly, she had been playing with this strip of fabric all evening, wearing it like a shawl, and as we knelt down to pray, she wrapped it around me and tied me tightly to her. Totally deadpan, she said, "This is to make sure no one gets squirmy. Especially YOU."

8. Practicing the piano one day, Anna made a mistake. Overdramatically ashamed, she covered her eyes and said, "Shame on me! I'm not opening my eyes to see the beautiful world ever again. Unless it's a dump."

9. When Anna gets asked what she learned at school that day, her response is often "nothing," which doesn't really make for an awesome conversation. So one day, the question was changed to, "What would you like to be learning?" She came up with three responses: "Magic, although that's not possible, levitation, and my part for the primary program."

10. As I was doing my best to mimic the opera singer we happened to be listening to (and my version was not half bad, by the way), Anna groaned and said, "I wish I didn't have a mother who sang opera." I laughed and said, "That's the best kind of mother there is! A fun one!" Then she said in a sincere lament, "Man, I just wish I had a normal life!"

She lost one of her front teeth at the beginning of November . . . 

. . . and then the second one came out three weeks later. In true Anna fashion, she works very hard on her enunciation now so that she doesn't have a lisp, which is too, too bad. I think she'd be adorable with a lisp, but it would go against this old-soul image she's developed.

Annacdotes 28

first day of second grade

1. Several weeks ago, in the middle of a prayer, Anna said, "P.S. Please help me to get more watching in my life."

We had a chat soon after about how it's not really okay to pray for more cartoon time. Or say P.S. in a prayer, really.

All was forgotten until several weeks later when, during another prayer, Anna said, "And sorry for the P.S., by the way, about getting more watching. Sorry about that."

2. In another prayer, Anna started with a bang. "Thank you for cuddling, for it being on the earth and being made known to man. Thank you for all the cuddling I've done." She finished this same prayer with, "Thank you for air and for trees. Amen."

3. "Mom, I'm having a strange feeling right now. Can I tell you about it? I have to go to the bathroom AND my stomach is tired."

I was not able to identify her ailment at that time.

4. In a prayer: "Thank you for the artist that you are. And thank you for helping us when we need it, when we go through hard times, in our dark hours." Dark hours? I love that girl.

5. "Have you ever smelled a fake flower that smells like baked caramel, if caramel was getting baked in your house?" I had not.

6. Anna told me something she thought was funny, which I can't remember now. I replied by saying, "Silly, silly," to which she said, "Quite contrilly." That just made me smile.

7. During a movie that was probably more science fiction than Anna is normally used to, she kept saying, "I am so cooled out right now!"

8. Anna has two pillow pets, a unicorn and a dolphin, which she has named. I asked her one night why she prefers to sleep on the dolphin, saying "dolphin" because I couldn't remember its name just then. She scoffed and said very condescendingly, "It has a name, you know. Did you forget names exist, Ashley?"

9. A couple months ago (as in, before her last birthday), Anna came across a sentence in a book that said something like, "It was wonderful, exciting, and stupendous!" Disapprovingly, she said, "Isn't that redundant?" I thought, Thanks, you're 6.

10. But she's not always a walking dictionary. That same day, she was eating cinnamon Life. After she drank the milk at the end, she sighed with satisfaction, saying, "Ah, synonym milk."

Annacdotes 27 — birthday edition

We're in the middle of Anna's Golden Birthday week around here. Actually, not much is happening until her birthday (she turns 7 on the 7th!) and her amazingly awesome party the next day, but we sure talk about it a whole lot. So to celebrate, here is an extra large dose of Annacdotes.

1. In a prayer during Primary: "Please help us to follow directions. And please help the directions to be good and worthwhile. And please help us to have a good time playing too. But please help there to be more following directions than playing." I think it's safe to say she's got her priorities in order.

2. As I was leaving her room one night, Anna said very sincerely, "Mom, aren't you sad for people who write their letters backward?" I admit I laughed, out of surprise, and then she said soberly and very sincerely, "'Cause I am."

3. After we watched a movie together, I told Anna we needed to take a few minutes to clean up the toy-ridden family room. She groaned and complained and then finally muttered to herself, "Goodbye awesome world, hello boring world."

4. Lately, whenever I thank Anna for something, she will say, "Don't thank me, thank yourself because you had me. Or, really, thank Adam and Eve." She's the epitome of modesty.

5. Anna was having a wild and spastic moment as soon as we got in the car. Jokingly, I said, "Calm the heck down and put on your seat belt." She laughed and said, "Well, YOU wild the heck up!"

6. My dad was feigning disappointment at losing one of Anna's guessing games (which this time happened to be to guess the number she was thinking of between 1 and 100–shocking that he didn't get it right), and my mom said, "Well, are you going to be a grump about it?" Anna said, "Yeah, don't be a grump, be a gramp!"

7. Anna thinks you load guns with batteries.

8. Saying goodnight one night, Anna was upset that she couldn't read or do anything but try to fall asleep. She said, "Can I do anything besides roll around and use my brain?" On my way out the door, I said, "Nope, that's it. Just make it interesting. Use your imagination." She groaned loudly and then said, "You'll pay for this!"

9. One night, Anna's prayer basically consisted of one sentence: "I am SO thankful for my family and for occasions that are special." When she was finished, I asked her what kinds of "occasions" were special for her. She thought for a minute and then blurted out, "Like having your very own calendar!"

After I told her to go get dressed one morning, my eyes widened when I saw this getup and I laughed out loud. Delighted, she said, "Think I look a little weird?" as though that's exactly what she was going for. I said, "Maybe a little bit." I was thinking mostly of her amazing pattern choices, but she said, "That's because I have two pairs of leggings on!"

10. Anna's class was learning about different countries, and I volunteered to go in and talk about our year in Poland when she was 2. Near the end of my presentation, Anna said loudly, "And thank YOU for teaching me about my past!"

11. We were discussing Leonardo Da Vinci one day, and I told Anna that he was a famous painter but he was also really smart and he made lots of cool inventions. She asked, "Like rocket boots?"

12. Anna made me a paper trophy for being "so loving" to let her watch cartoons while she was sick. When she presented it to me, she thanked me and then added, "And plus, you worked so hard to get me out of your stomach." That I did. I will take that trophy, thank you very much.

Anna in front of a nativity painting by Brian Kershisnik, reenacting the part of the angel above who could be her twin

13. After someone said booyah, Anna said, "Well, triple thousand booyah for me since I lost another tooth today!"

14. I was helping out at one of Anna's class parties, and the kids were coloring pictures of butterflies. The boy sitting next to Anna covered his with a mass of red and black and told Anna that his butterfly was dangerous and poisonous. Looking sincerely aghast, Anna said, "That is a waste of beauty!"

15. "Oh, for crying out pete."

16. Anna was eating a small box of nerds, and after a few minutes, I asked if she was done with her nerds. Then I asked her if she was a nerd. She said, "Yes, yes I am." I laughed and then asked her what makes a nerd, knowing that she probably has no idea of the real meaning. She said, "Deliciousness."

17. She was having a hard time consuming her smoothie one morning, as it had a few extremely healthy ingredients in it, and after a while she hid in the pantry. A couple minutes later, she poked her head out and said, "I'd come over there, but then I'd want to cut off my arm so I couldn't grab the cup and cut off my lips so I couldn't taste it." So dramatic.

18. On another occasion, Anna was pretty sick and communicated this by saying she was "sick as a weasel."

casually waiting in line for a waffle at the waffle truck, though it looks like we're in the middle of nowhere . . . and almost like she's missing a leg 

19. While the subject has changed, Anna has had a perpetual crush on someone for the last three years—and it is a consistent topic of conversation, usually involving how embarrassed she was because the boy in question looked at her, or something. She's at the point where she can't even say his name out loud; she has to spell it. I once told her that I too had a crush on a boy in kindergarten, but then one day, out of the blue, she said, "Mom did you ever have a love life in primary?"I loved that she wondered about that part of my life too. And "love life"? Are kidding me? Later, when talking about the boy in question and how she avoids him at recess, she said vehemently, "You have to run away from your love life if you're shy, AND I'M SHY!"

20. On a recent bike/scooter ride around the neighborhood (I was on a bike and Anna was on a scooter, since she is mortally afraid of riding a bike), she said very sincerely as we started that she wanted to go on new roads "because I want to explore the world as much as possible."

Later, she put her face to the wind and told me she was imagining winning a race and that the feeling of the wind was her crashing through the ribbon at the finish. "Want to try it?" she asked when we had stopped for a minute. I smiled and told her I knew exactly what she was talking about. As she got back on her scooter, she said with a shake of her head, "Ah, the imagination of youth."

Annacdotes 26

1. One day in the summer, I could not keep Anna away from playing in the water. She had a couple friends over, and they all ended up in sopping-wet clothes from playing in the sprinkler they rigged up themselves. I was gone that evening and when I talked to her in the morning, Anna said that she got wet in the sprinklers again in her pajamas and had to put them in the dryer before she went to bed. I said, "What is it with you and getting wet in your clothes?" She said, "I know! I'm just in love with it!"

2. This last summer, my dad said he would pay Anna 25 cents a bucket to gather rocks out of his garden. She did three buckets one day and wasn't super excited to do more the next day. Trying to entice her to keep working, I talked to her about how she could earn some good money doing this. She surprised me by saying, "I think I'd just rather help my family." I told her that doing this would be helping her grandpa AND we could go to the store in a few days to buy a toy or something. She said, "I don't know if I want to spend my money on a toy. I think I might just want to buy something we need." What the what? After that, when I saw that she was naturally much more altruistic than I thought possible, I realized I was obviously going about this the wrong way.

3. Anna came in from outside and asked me to smell her hands. A bit wary, I smelled them and inhaled something rank. With a twinkle in her eye, she said, "Does it smell like saliva?" I grimaced and said, "Yeah, or something else gross." A bit proud of herself, she said, "Well, it's saliva mixed with cat hair." I wanted to vomit. That was not a fun game.

4. In the car one afternoon, Anna said, "What if our car could go 10,000 miles per hour?" I said that would definitely be super fast, even faster than an airplane and probably as fast as a rocket. Anna was quiet for a moment while she reflected on this, and then she said, "But we're glad we have speed limits so we're able to see the beautiful view, huh?"

5. Anna and I were lying on my bed having a chat when there was a pause in the conversation. So I steamrolled over, sort of at an angle, and said, "Look out! Here comes the Mom-inator!" in an evil-villain voice. My back was to her when I finally got there, so I had to reach my arms around behind me, somewhat clumsily, and try to get her that way so I didn't totally smother her. After my attempt, Anna said, "More like the awkward-inator." Man. Bested by my 6 year old.

When I pulled out the Christmas decorations,
Anna had to instantly put on the stockings.

6. In the middle of a conversation about something totally different: "Aren't you glad we have gravity?"

7. Anna has been into this series of books about all different kinds of fairies: jewel fairies, color fairies, flower fairies, etc. After she had read several of them, I asked her what kind of fairy she would be. She thought for a minute and then said excitedly, "The ancient fairy! And when I'd dab my wand, ancient scrolls would come out!"

8. One morning, Anna kept saying versions of "dagnabbit," trying to get it right. Mostly, it came out "dab-nabbit." She used it several times as she was writing a note, with each little mistake she made. On our way to the car, she stopped to look at a leaf on the ground that was covered in ice crystals. "Dab-nabbit!"she said loudly. "I mean, dab-amazing! Look at this gorgeous thing!"

9. I got a package one day that included a giant sheet of very stiff and very durable bubble wrap. Anna appropriated it the minute she saw it, and it kept her busy for most of the evening. She wore it as a cape, she danced on it, she ran and jumped on it from a distance. On her way to watch a little Netflix, she laid down the sheet of bubble wrap and started to get on it. Surprised, I asked, "Are you going to lie on it?" Like I said, it was very stiff and pretty loud. "Yeah," she said and laughed patronizingly. "Why wouldn't I?"

10. "All you need is a suit covered in money and some scissors in order to go to the store."

hugging the candy tree at a toy store—she was
drawn to it like a moth to a flame

Annacdotes 25

Since it's the twenty-fifth postiversary of Annacdotes (or we could call this an "Annaversary"—her name works with everything!), I thought I would celebrate by sharing twenty five stories. So either I'm obsessed with her, or she's delightfully brilliant. Either way, it was not that hard to come up with twenty five. She gives me a lot of material.

1. We were telling knock-knock jokes the other day, and here was Anna's:

Anna: Knock knock.
me: Who's there?
Anna: Grass.
me: Grass who?
Anna: Grass Grass.

After a courtesy laugh by me and a contemplative pause by Anna, she finally said, "Wait. Are knock knock jokes supposed to make sense?"

2. "I'm not very happy with Satan." I, of course, asked her why. Her reply: "He doesn't make very good choices."

3. Anna keeps trying to paint my nails with white out.

4. Eating lunch one day (just so you know how out of the blue this was), Anna said, "Mom, what if 'temple' in German meant 'break dancing class'?"

What if, Anna? What if?

5. Anna was calling for me to come outside, but I could tell she didn't really need anything. After several failed attempts, I heard her yell, "Ow!" Again, I knew it wasn't serious so I didn't do anything. She was just after some attention. She yelled again for me to come out, and I told her to come in if she needed something. She started to insist that I come outside because she was injured. I asked her what happened, and she said she scraped her toe. I asked her what it was that I could do to help her out there. She spluttered desperately, "Just . . . come out here and . . . and give me a hug!"

6. I was headed out one evening to watch a movie at a friend's house and therefore wearing comfy clothes and flip flops. Anna looked me over and then pleaded with me to wear some earrings or at least a bracelet because I looked "too dull." Isn't she precious?

7. We were talking about haircuts one day, and Anna said she wished a long-haired friend of hers would cut her hair up to her shoulders so that she (Anna) would be the queen of the long-hair world. I didn't know she was so cutthroat.

8. Before Anna had to do something she really didn't want to do, she tried to ask me a bunch of questions in an attempt to delay the inevitable. One question was, "Mom, when you had me, was I nine months late or nine months early?" I was sad I had to tell her it was only nine days late. It makes the story way less cool.

9. Anna checked the time on a digital clock and said, extremely excitedly, "It's 8:59!" She kept staring at it and then said in a lower, more dramatic voice, "I've got to see the magic happen."

10. In a prayer: "I hope tomorrow can be swell, swell, swell indeed, even spectacular, and the best day in the whole world."

11. Anna and a couple of cousins were busy playing in her room. When I went in, I saw that they were pretending to have laptops (using picture books opened up and turned sideways on their laps), and they were "texting" each other, they told me. Precious.


12. Around the time of the recent BYU/Utah football game, Anna came home from school horrified and said that a boy in her class is actually a Utes fan. She said, "Mom, he said, 'Utes rock!' I'm going to have to cut him out." (This included making an X and a slicing motion with her arms.) I laughed because I didn't know she felt so strongly. Sure, we root for BYU in our house, but we're not die-hard, violent fans. Then a few days later, she related how this same boy made up a rhyme: "BYU stinks like poo." So she said one back: "The Utes stink like roots."

13. One night, I asked Anna which of her two music boxes she wanted me to wind up and play as she's going to sleep. She laughed and said, "Both of them." When they were both playing ("You Are My Sunshine" and "Music Box Dancer," to be specific), she said with glee over the ruckus, "It sounds like a horrible masterpiece!"

doing "mermaid hair "in the bath

14. One morning, I sat a plate of scrambled eggs in front of Anna, and she said, "How about some ham and cheese too?" (This is her favorite way to eat scrambled eggs, but it wasn't happening that particular morning.)

I said, "How about 'Thanks, Mom, for the delicious breakfast'?"

She said, "I already said thank you."

"When?"

"Last year."

15. One afternoon, I asked Anna how her day was at school, and she passionately told me about how they had to do the run walk in P.E. She said, "It was the WORST thing EVER! Well, except for avocado and asparagus [her two least favorite foods] . . . and Satan."

(Interestingly, I could probably do a whole post of Annacdotes strictly about Satan. She's got a lot to say about him.)

16. My sister makes this caramel treat out of corn puffs that is highly addictive. She has named it Caramel Evil. In the same vein, Anna laughs wickedly whenever she gets some and calls it "nasty goodness."

17. In a prayer: "I'm thankful for everything in the universe." That was awesome on its own, but then there was this part: "I hope things go well tomorrow and the next day . . . and the next, until the death of . . . the death of . . . well, never mind."

18. Anna: Mom, do you think Adam and Eve came up with the?

Me: 'The'? 'The' what?
Anna: No, the word 'the.' Because it's so common.

19. We were relishing some warm peach cobbler I had just made. After a delicious bite, I said, "Nothing beats a warm dessert with vanilla ice cream." Anna said, "Except maybe love."

20. When discussing dreams one day, I told Anna that they say that even though dreams seem long, they really only last for a short time, maybe thirty seconds, or something. Skeptical, she replied, "Hmmm. Maybe that's fake science."

21. I found Anna playing in her room one morning, and I asked her if she was ready for breakfast. With a slightly annoyed voice, she said, "Can't you see I'm sorting?"

22. "Would you rather have the last name 'Liar' or 'Pants on Fire'?"

When Anna had strep on Halloween, she wore this mask around for part of the day in the hopes that she could still dress up in the evening. But she didn't say much, since it hurt her throat to talk, so she just lazed about silently and regally, which made for an adorable picture.

23. When I told Anna she couldn't watch a movie, she turned and whispered to herself, "Ah, defeated."

24. At the park one day, Anna started chatting with a little boy, the only other kid there. I heard him tell her what his name was and that his dad's name was Chris. Anna excitedly told him that she had an aunt named Chris, and I heard her repeat this a couple times. Finally, the boy went down the slide, and I heard Anna call after him, with feeling, "Do you even know what a connection is?"

25. Another mind-bending What If.
Anna: "What if my last name was 'From New Jersey'?"
Me (after a pause to process this): As in, Anna From New Jersey?
Anna: Yeah, and then what if you really named me Oklahoma Girl?
Me (laughing): So your name would be Oklahoma Girl From New Jersey?

*   *   *

Whew. Twenty five, done. Did we overdose? Maybe, maybe not.

Annacdotes 24

Anna told me she chose this outfit because she knew the colors and the two patterns would make it look kind of wild and crazy. Such a good reason.

1. Anna was cold one morning while I was fixing her hair, so I grabbed a blanket for her. While I wrapped it around her, she looked up at me and said, "You're heavenly to have around."

2. In a very solemn voice, Anna said in a prayer in Primary, "Please, please help all of us . . .  including the teachers . . . to be kind." A subtle message.

3. I think in that same prayer, she said, "Help our holy sabbath day to be . . . " and then she paused because she already said 'holy,' so she finished it with " . . . great and even awesome."

4. Whenever I wear my white jeans or a belt on the outside of a shirt, Anna gets super excited and says I look like a rock star. She's not a bad one to have around.

first day of 1st grade

5. When a friend of Anna's talked about someone she didn't like, Anna said, "You still have to be nice because we're all God's children."

6. After walking around the zoo for a while on a very warm day, I asked Anna if she needed a drink of water. She paused for a moment, put her hand on her chest, and said, "Well bless my heart, I don't know."

7. Anna has decided that my new nickname is Smoked Gouda.

8. How Anna describes being tired: having a lazy head.

9. After the first day of school, Anna came home and told me about a game they played called Farmer Sam in "K.P."

"K.P.?" I asked. "You mean, P.E.?"

"No, K.P.," she said. "Wait, no. It was E.P."

"I think you mean P.E."

She remained unconvinced.

On a hike up to Bridal Veil Falls. I'm glad she purposefully picked out some pearls to wear for the occasion.

10. She has decided, and is not budging, to be a bird for Halloween—a bird that's half peacock and half phoenix. I've also heard talk about throwing "part swan" in there too. She is convinced I can make an amazing costume, so ... I'll let you know how that turns out.

Annacdotes 23

At her cousins' birthday party. (And, for the record, my punctuation is correct. Her cousins are twins.)

This look instigated some serious discussions about her being a bird for Halloween.

1. I was flipping through a magazine at the table the other day and Anna caught sight of a bright pink advertisement for crystal light raspberry lemonade. She was bedazzled by the splash of color and wanted to know what it was about. When I told her what Crystal Light was, she said, "It doesn't sound so great, but it looks great on the page." In one sentence, I think she just captured the essence of advertising.

2. Anna's words to the famous "Mr. Sandman" song? "Mr. Salmon, bring me a drink."

3. She still says "conbersation" sometimes. And "inbitation."

4. One morning Anna was up early playing in her room. When she finally made it into mine, she was dressed up in her superhero cape and mask and needed help putting on her arm cuffs. She said she wasn't a superhero, though, but a super fast delivery person. I loved that.


She had also packed a huge bag that she was using for her deliveries, I guess, and she said, "I have like a thousand stuff in here."

Good thing she looks like a solid 10 years old here. Geez...

5. Anna's 9-year-old cousin was over one day, and he made himself a missionary tag out of a post-it note. (His said "Elder Hobo," which delighted me.) Anyway, Anna wanted in on the action and hers said, "Elder Sister Banks." I just liked that.

6. After a prayer, Anna said thoughtfully, "Does Jesus say, 'In the name of I'?"

7. After she stumbled over the dishwasher door that was down, she said vehemently, "That dishwasher is my enemy!" Then, after a moment, she said more calmly, ". . . but also my hero." When I asked her why, she said, "Well, it tripped me, but I could also use it as a seat!"

8. Typing a name into this and then watching the ensuing personalized song (never mind that it's about tampons) is one of Anna's favorite things to do, so much so that she'll use it as a way to put off going to bed. One night, she begged and pleaded for one more and finally convinced me to let her when she said she would pick a funny name. She chose Phyllis, and we giggled the whole way through.

At the rodeo. I'm glad to see my finger and that she was dressed for the occasion.

9. Saying goodnight one evening, Anna said she loved me SO much and that I was right up there with her blanket, Silky Silky Blanket.

The first procedure we had done to start Anna on her way to competing in child pageants. I think it looks really good, don't you? (Okay, okay. So it was a bee sting in the worst place ever.)

Annacdotes 22

1. One day during spring break, we had a game marathon. What was the game at the top of Anna's list all day? House. I was très confused and kept suggesting others. Finally I said, "Isn't this just like real life? I'm the mom and you're the kid?" But then she told me she wanted to pretend to be a dog and I would be the owner. We played a lot of fetch while I read the newspaper, and she loved it.

2. One Friday, Anna was getting ready to go to her weekly playgroup, and she said, "Boy, I feel like it was just yesterday that I went to playgroup." What a little adult, chatting about how fast time flies. I said, "I know. This week went by fast." Then she said, "And I'll feel that way tomorrow, too!" It honestly took me a few seconds to even process what she meant, it was that brilliant. In case you're as slow as I was, she meant that, tomorrow, it will seem like playgroup was just yesterday — because it was.

3. This is what I found one day in the notes app on my phone.

(Don't be distracted by the personal information I had to blur out, but the spider bit? Amahzing.)

4. Anna caught on to people gesturing their own quote marks to things when they speak, so she started to do it too. But of course she added her own flourish. When she does it, she does both hands together over to one side. I don't know why she does it like this, but it is extra cute this way.

5. Anna came out of the pantry with a paper bowl and a bag of fruit snacks, mere minutes after we had just discussed having lunch soon. Slightly astonished, I said, "Are you going to eat those?" Like it should be obvious, she said, "No, I'm going to glue these onto the bowl so I can have a lickable hat."


6. In a recent prayer: "I hope I can strengthen my family by adding more people to it so that we can create more love." So cute, but it was also nice knowing that words said in Primary actually made it into her brain. Sometimes you wonder about kids these days.

7. One night after getting Anna all ready for bed, she said, "Ha! Guess what you forgot but I remembered?" Turns out, I had forgotten to take her hair out of whatever creation it had been that day. Really playing it up, she teased and acted like it was the worst thing in the world. But what the worst thing actually was caught me off guard. She said, with much pretend contempt, "Ugh. I hate it when I know forgetters."

Anna's first lunch at school, to get ready for first grade. Cue freak out.

Annacdotes 21

This is how the valentine shirt turned out. I unknowingly bought fabric paint that dries very clear, unless you use a ton, so—while still cute and glittery—it didn't show up very well.

So Anna felt the need to kick it up a notch.

1. A recent prayer: "Please bless the kids in my class, that they will be healed from their colds, which they have been given . . . which was a non-good present."

2. To delay going to sleep as I was leaving her room: "Mom . . . wait. [ten second pause] I space L-O-V-E space Y-O-U space M-O-M space [five second pause]. . . wait, no space. Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, period." From my sweet robo-daughter.

3. Anna often chooses the shoes she wants to wear each day based on how fast she can run in them.

4. We got a new whiteboard at our house recently and it has become the new favorite toy. (See picture below.) I'll translate some of Anna's notes for you. Starting at the top, it says (and must be read with an accent), " 'Ello Stephanie Scoresby. May I have this dance?" Then under that, it says, essentially, "Whoever reads this will be punished. Thank you." When Anna called me over to read this particular note, I gasped. But she told me that the punishment was a hug. I was both delighted and a little concerned.

5. Anna also frequently decides what to wear each day based on how many colors and patterns she can wear at once.

6. After walking a friend home one chilly evening, Anna walked in the door and said, "My face is burning cold!"

7. Anna was dressing up the other day and came in wearing a black comb taped below her nose. For a mustache, naturally.

On that same note but on a different day, this was Anna's best effort to disguise herself as a man.

Annacdotes 20

1. Another mind-bending knock knock joke from Anna. It just took an unexpected turn (or two) that caught me off guard.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apple pie.
Apple pie, who?
Apple pie spaceship! Ahhh! We're in trouble! We need help. [pause] Um, I think we ARE the help.

2. Anna: "Mom, I know one of the greatest powers on earth, to love your enemies." [Thanks, Veggie Tales.] "But do you love Satan?"
me: "I don't know. I don't hate him . . . "
Anna: "Yeah, I think I'm . . . kind of in the middle with Satan. I don't love him, but I don't hate him."

3. In a recent prayer, Anna said, "I hope that all of the members of my family grow up to be wonderful people . . . even the ones who haven't arrived on earth yet from heaven." Aww . . .

after a dance performance at the Festival of Trees last month

4. "Love is like 50 crushes."

5. I got Anna a new toothbrush and told her to go throw her old one away. She said, "Okay, but not before I kiss it to give it some good memories."

Displaying the massive paint set she got for Christmas.

6. Explaining things to Anna "like she's a five year old" is becoming increasingly more difficult. On one recent day, I had to explain DNA and the inner workings of the toaster. I'm going to need to do some brushing up before we get much further.

7. The other day, Anna said like three things in a row that made me burst out laughing with delight at her creativity and humor. (Sadly, I can't remember what she said. Just know it was amazing.) After my third outburst, we were both laughing, and she said, "You never planned on having a child quite like me, did you?" No, ma'am, I did not.

One night, the doorbell rang. And standing there was this bag lady. She had spent quite a while trying to disguise herself so that no one would know it was her. Check it out: three scarves, one of which went on her head and around her neck, a huge bustle, a crown, and some clip-on earrings. She may be the cutest bag lady I have ever seen.

Annacdotes 19

1. I got a new pair of shoes the other day and Anna has been playing with the little plastic stick things that kept the shoes stretched out when they were in the box. (Do you know what I'm talking about? The little hollow L-shaped things?) Anyway, I walked in to the bathroom and Anna was in there playing with one of them in the sink. Here's how the conversation went.

Anna: I just had some disgusting water out of this.
Me: [freaking out inside] Out of that? You used it as a straw?
Anna: Yes, and the water was disgusting.
Me: Yeah, you probably shouldn't do that. It's been inside shoes.
Anna: Yeah. DisGUSTing.

a minute later

Anna: You know what I think the issue was?
Me: What?
Anna: Shoes.
Me. I agree. That's a good rule to follow: Don't put anything in your mouth that has been inside shoes.
Anna: And the other issue? Earwax.
Me: WHAT?
Anna: Yeah, I got a little on the end. DisGUSTing.

(I found out later that she was walking around with both of them sticking out of her ears.)

I realize that this is vile and, yes, disgusting and that I probably come off looking like a neglectful mother, but this conversation was hilarious. The fact that she used the word "issue" so matter-of-factly, and the earwax thing was just icing on the cake.

2. One morning, Anna woke up crying because she had a bad dream. When I went in to check it out, she told me that she was dreaming that someone put her in the freezer. (Totally sad nightmare, by the way.) When she had calmed down, she said, "You want to know something kinda funny? I sometimes see the same police bad guy in my dreams and he's always holding a gun . . . and butter."

3. We had to run a quick errand the other day and Anna insisted on keeping on the plastic poncho she was wearing. (World's best toy, by the way. She loves it and it has somehow kept her entertained for days.) So she wore it on the errand and then when we were getting out of the car, it started to thunder a bit. She said, quite calmly, "Mom, the thunder worries me." When I asked her why, she said, "Because I might get wet!" Oh, the irony.

This was the butterfly we hatched this year. I believe Anna named it Faye.

4. Anna and I shared a room for a few days while guests were in town, and one morning, before I was really coherent, the first thing out of Anna's mouth was, "Mom, do you want me to sniff around like a horse?" When the question finally processed, I said, "Um, not really." She said, "Good . . . because I'm not going to."

5. Anna and I were trying to sing one of the songs Cinderella sings, "A Dream is a Wish," and we could only get so far. After a few fruitless tries, I said, "That's it, I'm going to find the lyrics and then I'll come back and sing the whole thing for you." On my way out of the room, Anna yelled, "Okay, make me proud!"

in front of the St. George temple

6. In a recent prayer, Anna was speaking directly to Heavenly Father. She said, in a very sincere (if a bit melodramatic) voice, "I love you so much. And please, PLEASE, win the war with Satan."

7. "Mom, have you ever pushed on your eyeballs and seen the universe?"

8. "Netflix has changed my life!"

9. Anna was singing to herself the other day and told me that there are two kinds of solos. I asked her what they were, and she said one was the singing kind and the other was like, when you say, "Why so low today?" I'll let you know when her joke book gets published.

This one was taken during Anna's class Halloween party while her teacher was reading the kids a story. Pretty cute.

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This is on a recent horseback riding trip at Bear Lake. I love Anna's faraway look and how it looks like she just popped up right in the middle of all the brush.

Here's a double dose of Annacdotes today so I can catch up. Happy First Day of Autumn, y'all.

1. A split-second conversation:

Anna: What's that kind of nut . . . 'alnut'?
Me (thinking, Um, obviously...): Walnut?
Anna: No....
Me: No? Almond?
Anna: YEAH!

I just loved how I never before realized how interrelated those words are. I have Anna to thank for so much insight and can't blame her a bit for her confusion.

2. After finishing her bedtime story the other night, I closed the book and said, "Well, that was fun." Anna said, "No, it was courageously unusual."

3. I chuckled about this (#2), and then we finished the bedtime routine. As I was on my way out the door, I said, "What did you call the book? 'Courageously' what?" She said, "'Courageously unusual.' Now go write it down and then tell everybody else." She knows me all too well.

This and the next photos are courtesy of a trip to the zoo.

4. In a recent prayer, Anna said, "And please bless me that the next time I eat avocados and asparagus they will taste good to me." She tries so hard.

5. A few weeks ago, Anna started talking about her name and how she didn't really think that it fit her. (She loves "Summertime," but didn't think "Anna" was a good fit.) I love her name, so I tried to hide my shock when I asked her what she thought would be a better fit and even suggested a few. She rejected nearly all of my suggestions but eventually settled on Erica. A short time later, I was relating this story to her aunt and, when I got to the part about how Anna didn't feel like her name fit her, Anna chimed in and said, "Yeah, it doesn't fit my beautifulness." I guess she thinks it's kind of plain.

She was super excited that she got to ride the dolphin. Super mega excited.

6. Anna was telling me about a ride she took on her dad's shoulders. She was excited that she actually enjoyed it. (She's fairly cautious when it comes to heights and risky behavior like that.) She said, "Mom, I rode on his shoulders and I liked it!" She paused for a moment and then said, "Well, I liked it more than falling."

7. I've written about Anna's silky blanket before. She's still attached, although she no longer sucks on her fingers while cuddling with it. (She, like the mature child that she is, rid herself of that habit all on her own.) Anyway, she has given the blanket an official name (Silky Silky Blanket) and an official gender (female). She will correct you if you refer to the blanket as "it," but the nickname "Silk" is acceptable. I love her (my child, not her personified blanket).

8. Lately, Anna has been saying "Are you kidding me?" a lot. And with a little bit of attitude. One day, I asked her what was up with her saying that all the time. She said, "I don't know what's up with that. You should know what's up with that. You're the up girl." I just can't argue with logic like that.

9. A recent knock-knock joke, courtesy of Anna. (Although I think it may be more of a knock-knock creep out.)

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Blood.
Blood who?
I'm not blood! I'm a person made out of chocolate.
[then cryptically] Who are you?

10. This should probably go in the "Anna is a Little Adult" version of Annacdotes™, but I love this one. While some kids will, say, eat the middle of their sandwiches but not the crusts, going straight for the part that they like, Anna, however, will eat the crusts first so that she can finish with what she likes the best. She will methodically eat her vegetables first or whatever it is that she likes least so she can get to the good stuff. Where did she come from? I think she could teach us all a lesson about delayed gratification.

11. We were talking the other day about what makes a bad show. I told her bad shows were ones that were really violent or used bad words. She said, "Oh, right. Bad words like, 'I can't ever go poo' or 'What's in the toilet?'" I love that the only bad words she knows are potty words.

12. A week or so into school, Anna came home and told me about a boy who came up to her and asked if they could be friends. I asked Anna what she said in response, and she said, "I told him that I think we should learn some things about each other before we say we're friends."